My heart lies with nature, the rolling of the sea, night skies filled with stars, the beauty of the different faces of the goddess and the connection I feel to her when am in her space. In this life, I often feel not so much that I am discovering her, but remembering her, remembering me. I have a teacher who says that we are born with knowledge in our bones and that as we learn we are really just calling it back to us. It’s a beautiful idea, this notion that we come here with the knowledge we require, but just need to remember it and understand ourselves.
This has been an area of huge focus for me over the past several months. After a serious injury and a job loss, I have been re-membering, putting myself back together. As I do so, I don’t feel satisfied with the status quo and some corporate job that exists within someone else’s pockets, but leaves my own soul thin. I feel more and more like I have an obligation to do what I can in the world to make it better. In moving toward that goal, I’ve been taking a lot of classes, doing a lot of journaling, starting a group for earth based spirituality on Facebook, and working on figuring out how my work can be more in alignment with my path. Ultimately, I would like to teach courses for women, using my MA in literature, writing, art and creativity to empower them by using stories, journaling, ritual and the rhythms of nature as a springboard to explore their own inner landscapes and better understand themselves.
One thing that often happens to us as women is that we are so busy taking care of others that we don’t take the time to care for and know ourselves. That is something I would really love to help other women to do. There are moments when I think “Who the heck am I to guide anyone? What if I put myself out there and no is interested? What if no one cares?” It is a scary thought, but at the same time, I feel compelled to use the training I have in literary studies and pedagogy combined with my spirituality to create something bigger than myself.
For many years, I worked in a job where I didn’t really feel like it made a difference. I worked so hard at it, earning an excellent reputation within the company, but also tolerating long, often thankless hours. There were times when I barely had time for family or a social life. And after 12 long years of working for someone else’s dream, I was laid off. It was through no fault of my own (they layoff was substantial and company wide), but it left me with the conviction that it was time to stop living someone else’s dream and create my own. It is my hope in doing so, that I will not only fill the cups of others, but my own too.