Welcome to my Mid-Life Crisis!

I think I am having a mid-life crisis, but let me back up…

It was 58 days ago on a Friday afternoon that I learned on a conference call that my company was going to be making some layoffs. They told us to stay tuned over the weekend for more news on whether our position was one of the ones affected. At first, I wasn’t too concerned. Hope springs eternal and I have been through what feels like a zillion reorgs with this company, a bankruptcy, and a return from chapter 7. Somehow I always managed to keep my job (or in the case of the bankruptcy, get it back in pretty short order). After so many times, one tends to get a bit numb to it all. And, even after the bankruptcy, it only took two weeks until I was back doing my old job with the bankruptcy trustee and then the new owner. It was a great story: Son of Founders Resurrects Company from the Dead! For a while things looked like they were on the upswing. I was advancing and had a new, better job. The division I was managing was making money. The company was talking about expanding. And then I got the dreaded email…

I don’t know if you have ever gotten laid off via email, but I am here to tell you it sucks. It’s not as bad as being laid off by voicemail by an Equity Firm whose evil principle players were the model for Mr. Burns, but it still sucks. Thirteen years of service, countless hours of overtime, days worked during vacations, and my severance package is a month of Cobra, an expense reimbursement that ended up taking two months, and an email directing me on how to mail my shit back to the home office in Troy, MI. They did pay us through the end of December too (Merry Fucking Christmas!), but somehow it was a bit of a kick to have it all go down in such an impersonal manner, especially after the fall I had already had, and I mean that both figuratively and literally…

You see, a few days before Halloween, in an act of poetry in motion, I tripped over one of our dogs, broke my shoulder, was off of work for several weeks, came back for a week and got the delightful news that my position was being eliminated along with about 80 others. Then, as if that weren’t enough, my other dog died, I lost my health insurance just in time to NOT start physical therapy, and found myself unemployed just in time for the holidays. The funny thing is that I remember when it was time to go back to work around Thanksgiving thinking “I really wish I didn’t have to go back.” I am woo woo enough to know all about the energy we put out into the universe, but talk about manifesting!

So, here I am almost two months later. I’m jobless, but I am okay, happy even. I have to budget, but unemployment is enough to live on and I have insurance – great insurance, in fact. Via my physical therapy, I found a great new integrative office that hosts a mix of Western, Eastern and Naturopathic therapies. I love it so much, I have started acupuncture and have an appointment to interview a new primary care physician there in a couple weeks.

I also have a lot more time on my hands than I am used to. In between looking for jobs, I am trying to build my spiritual practice, reclaim some hobbies (including writing and making up words, hence my triumphant return to bloggery) and figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Sometimes I feel ridiculous. At my age, I should probably know, right? I think the biggest lie anyone will ever tell you when you’re young is that somehow when you grow up it’s like there’s some magic wand and (poof!) suddenly you have all the answers. But I have this huge opportunity to reinvent myself and I don’t want to waste it. It is scary and enthralling at the same time.

So far, the only thing I know for sure is that I don’t want to be some lackey, working 60 hour weeks like I was and living my days in some corporate box. In my heart, I have a free spirit, purple hair and a job that makes the world better. So, in an effort to fill that time and do some writing therapy to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, I am embarking on a February blogstravaganza project along with my friend Jen. If there was ever time to embark on a quest to find what makes my heart sing, it’s now. So, yeah, I’m not having a midlife crises, I am embarking on a project, a Peacock Project. I don’t know where it will go, but I can promise it will be filled with blues and greens and vibrant hues and I hope to see you around for some of it!

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2 thoughts on “Welcome to my Mid-Life Crisis!

  1. Hooray for a return to bloggery! I think your second to last paragraph is some real talk and that’s the part about which I’m most excited for you. TIME TO FIGURE IT OUT or at least get comfortable with the idea that we may never figure it out but let’s make the most of it anyway. I’m happy to be blogstravaganza-ing with you!

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