I once knew someone who would reinvent himself every few years. He would change his job, change his friends and become almost unrecognizable from the person he was before. At the time, I thought he was ridiculous. I mean, who was he? Madonna? The whole idea (at least in the way he executed it) seemed a bit pretentious, like he was some product he was marketing rather than a person. Now, I realize that he was just a guy who was insecure and unhappy in his own skin. For him, reinvention as a way to chase after a new existence that might finally bring him whatever it was that was missing from his life. And, in a way I get it. I spent a lot of time in my 20’s moving around, in part hoping that going someplace new would bring me happiness and help me find my place in the world.
These days I am more about working on developing a happy relationship with myself. That said, I can see some power in reinventing our attitudes and creating environments that foster growth. Sometimes that means letting go of people or situations that stifle our spirits. Sometimes that means inviting new places, people and experiences into our lives, but I think that it always has to include at least trying to embrace who we are. As the saying goes, wherever you go, there you are.
Where I am right now is feeling on the verge of something that is not quite clear to me yet. It’s funny sometimes how the difference pieces of life sometimes come to a confluence all at once. I wrote yesterday about change and how I feel like all of these pieces of me have been in turmoil. I feel like almost every area of my life right now is built on sand and is about to be washed away, so I can rebuild in concrete.
It is a little scary, but I also embrace it, because it feels a bit like I’m being given the opportunity to make a new start with parts of my life that were really not serving me well. The truth is that I have felt a bit stuck for a while now. It’s easy to get in a rut of doing things because they’re what you do and not because you enjoy them anymore. As silly as it sounds, it’s one of the reasons why I decided to redo our living room.
Redecorating my environment is a physical way of “unsticking” my spirit. For a long time, my living space has been red. When we first redecorated, I LOVED it. It felt so warm and cozy in our living room. At the time we had just gotten a new t.v. and DVD player and I really looked forward to rainy days at home with the fire and books and movies. It all made the living room feel like this nice, safe, warm cocoon. For an introvert, a cocoon is not the worst feeling place to be. In fact, sometimes it is almost too comfortable.
This time around, I am trying to find a balance in creating a space that is light and airy, but also soothing at the same time. I want an environment where I feel happy, but also not red and weighed down. I want an environment welcomes positive change and is willing to play in the blue-green of the ocean at the same time as it offers quiet space for reflection and curling up with a good book. I want an environment that feels as open as the blue sky and filled with enough space for all of life’s bounty. And I think now is the perfect time to create it. The year is waning, my job is changing, I feel a subtle shift in my mind and I am ready to sit down on my new couch, have a drink with change, and discuss my future!