Things are getting juicy

Three days ago, the juicing began and today I woke up to angels singing Händel, except instead of “Hallelujah!” they were singing “Mastication!”. Seriously. I did not think I could ever miss chewing as much as I came to after day two of the fast. That said, I am so happy I hung in there and stuck it out! Now that it’s over, I feel lighter, healthier and proud that I took one small step toward doing something good for myself in the New Year. Here is a fun piece The Hairpin did on the 3-day juice fast, and this is how the experience went for me:

Day 1:

Woke up feeling raring to go. My fridge is filled with Ziploc baggies to dump in the blender every few hours. I am feeling self-satisfied as I sip my morning detox tea. The dogs are less excited. As the day goes on, I can see they are experiencing their own emotional detox. Whenever I go to the refrigerator, they gather round, eyes shining, bodies wiggling excitedly only to look dejected when they see that it’s just another of those “stupid bags” as I am sure they come to call them in their heads. Every time I take one out, their eyes narrow and they look at me in disgust. Around five o’clock, Teddy is tearing up the phonebook. As I pick up the pages, I see they all contain ads for pizza. Well played, labradoodle. Don’t let the stupidsilly name fool you. They may look like muppets, but they are devious and I am convinced he was about to call for take-out. But my resolve is strong! By the end of the day, I feel lighter. The shakes don’t taste bad. I could even see myself incorporating one a day into my rotation as a meal replacement. This is easy! Go me!

Day 2:

Woke up with a raging headache. I drink my detox tea and wonder if it’s worth it. Because they are furry little bastards, the dogs look at me as if to say “You know it’s not. You would feel SO much better if we all sat down to a nice, chewy breakfast.” I take some ibuprofin and ignore them. By 9 a.m., I would almost kill for a diet coke and a tofurkey sandwich. Instead, I drink my morning shake. Afterwards, my head still hurts. My stomach feels a little googly. I decide that my tofurkey sandwich will definitely be on olive bread and may or may not involve swiss cheese, but will definitely feature avocado.

As I chop vegetables for the green shake, I’m wishing I would have done the prepared baggie thing again for today. That made things so much easier. After my lunch shake, I’m still dragging. I start to wonder if I’m not just getting sick. I get the headache. It’s the lack of caffeine. I am kicking myself for not heeding the advice to slowly start to ween myself off of it starting a week before beginning the fast. I was eager to get started and didn’t want to wait. Next time, I will plan better. The googly stomach (don’t look at me like that, it’s a legitimate medical term!) confuses me more. How can vegetables and fruits I eat already make me feel all wonky inside? I do some googling and learn that this is a normal side effect and I should “embrace it”, because it means it’s working. Yay! I resolve to find the person who wrote this and send my cat to gack in their shoe when they’re not looking. Embrace this, biatch! Meanwhile, I continue with the juice drinks. My head still hurts. I make it to about 8:30 pm before breaking down and drinking a small glass of diet coke. I try to divert my attention from food by reading Teri Reid’s Loose Ends, a funny, paranormal mystery that has me laughing out loud in parts. I read the whole thing in the matter of a few hours and go to bed feeling victorious, despite the momentary lapse into coketasticness.

Day 3:

Home stretch! Hooray! Still have a bit of a headache and the dogs don’t even bother to follow me to the refrigerator anymore, but my stomach feels better. I can do this. It’s only one day. I can do anything for a day. Is it just me or do the shakes feel thicker? The green vegetable one feels especially “chunky” and hard to swallow today. On days one and two it tasted fresh and I was openly mocking the commentor who said she could barely choke it down. Maybe I just didn’t blend it enough. Work is busy, so I don’t have too much time to think about what I’m eating or not eating. When the shake alarm on my phone rings (“My Milshake brings all the boys to the yard,” okay, not really, but how awesome would it have been if I’d thought of that!), I go blend, then get back to my desk and drink while I work. Towards evening, I celebrate the end of my fast by going to Trader Joe’s to stock up on healthy, non-chemical and preservative laden groceries. Oddly enough, I realize that I am not craving candy and burgers, but whole, healthy foods – just foods that I can chew. I buy nuts, fruit, ingredients for things like pumpkin soup (organic, unsweetened canned pumpkin, delicious, but seasonal, so stock up!) , black bean & orange chili and nice, crunchy, fresh salads.

Day 4 (The Aftermath):

I’ve been avoiding the scale while I was juicing, because I didn’t want to be discouraged by any numbers, but today, I weigh myself. I am down 5 lbs. I feel a little tired and have a runny nose and watery eyes, which leads me to believe that while some of the run down feeling might have been due to allergies or the beginnings of a cold (I haven’t figured out which this is yet). Still, I feel ligher and good as I toast my whole grain bread and wash the berries I’m going to have for breakfast. When the dogs see me preparing real food, they look at each other smugly. I can tell they’re thinking, “Ha! She’s finally caved!” Little do they know that I think I will do it againperiodically – maybe the whole thing or even just for a day here and there. More importantly, I have done something good for myself and have taken the first step of the many toward my goal and am on a good path. Go me!



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