Today I found the motherload, the place where my mom hides her pills. It is amazing to me how someone with cognitive decline that is so marked in some areas can be sneaky and crafty enough to hold her pills in her mouth, then spit them out and dump them in a regular spot when she thinks no one is looking. This does explain why it seemed some of her medications weren’t working as well as they used to.
I don’t know what it is in her progression that causes it, but suddenly she is at times resistant to taking her medication. Sadly, she puts up the biggest stink at those times when she needs it most. She took is today, but is due again. After being stuck here without a car for so long, I had hoped that we’d be able to get out today, but she’s spent most of the morning in her hidey-hole aka the spare bedroom popping out the door like a little mole to yell things like “Where are we going?” before retreating back inside.
I am so nervous lately that I’m finding it difficult to just sit. I had told myself I would take today off, but the doing nothing is making me crazy, so I find myself either working or cleaning, two tasks that feel like they are never done. I have a blog project on family friendly activities in Ft. Myers for a client, but I can’t seem to focus, so I decided to try working on a translation project for another client, but, again, it’s just hard to focus. I also just don’t sleep well these days.
She had me up at 2:45 this morning. I did finally manage to go back to sleep sometime around 4, I think it was, but it’s not a very restful kind of sleep when you’re up constantly and didn’t go to bed until after 11 to begin with. I just don’t know. I spend so much of the time worrying and life feels really lonely sometimes. I would so much like to have my mom back and to be able to ask her for advice like I used to. It just sucks that the one person I would normally talk to about all of this is the one person I can’t talk to and never will be able to again in that way.
I think a trip out would do us both good, so I will keep trying to cajole her out, even though I’m wary of a meltdown once we get in the car or try to come back in the house.